This article appeared in ISSUE #9 of COSMIC CONNECTIONS - The Newsletter of the Cosmic Society of Paranormal Investigation. See a list of Back Issues Here.
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There seem to be some serious misconceptions on the part of sitters as to what they may expect of a reading. When I say "sitters", I refer to the person coming for a reading. When I say "reading" I refer to the information that comes from the Reader, be he/she psychic, astrologer, tarot card Reader, tea- leaf Reader, psychometrist, medium or other form of communicant. When I say "him", that includes "her" as well. I get to use "HIM" because I am the author. There are certain things a sitter has the right to expect from the Reader, and there are certain things the Sitter has no right to expect from the Reader. I think these should be made perfectly clear so that there is no misunderstanding.
FIRST - what one may NOT expect from a Reader:
- The Sitter has no right to make the Reader an authority for him; no right to make the Reader a Guru or to make decisions for him. The Reader is merely a relay station passing on the information the Sitter needs to know. However, if the Sitter insists on the Reader telling him what to do and making his decisions for him, and the Reader is ego-starved enough to permit this, then the Sitter deserves whatever happens!
· The Sitter has no right to expect the Reader to tell him what he wants to hear. If he wants that he should go to an out-and-out charlatan, a Madam LaZonga, and not waste an honest Reader’s time which is better spent helping someone who needs it. A good, honest Reader, will not negate himself just to please a sitter; the Reader is there to help, not to abet.
· The Sitter has no right to expect the Reader to solve his problems for him. One’s problems are usually of one’s own making and, therefore, are the responsibility of the Sitter. A Reader gives insights and other information that may be needed by the Sitter to work through the challenge faced. Allowing someone to run your life for you is really asking for it! Most have trouble running their own life - and you want them to run yours? You, my friend, are the only who should be running your life and who should set the standards for you. To give an example, a woman recently came to me for a reading. She left angry and disappointed. Why? I refused to tell her what to do, make her decisions for her, as her former Spiritualist Medium in another state had. She had expected the same from me. It’s not my job to run someone else’s life - it is all I can do to run my own.
Another example is a woman and her husband who came to me for a reading. She, too, was disappointed because the information that came through was something she did not expect - and certainly did not want to hear. From what transpired, I would have to say that the information was entirely correct and quite valid. She was a very controlling, demanding woman who was trying to control her dead son. He plead with her to please release him, let go and get on with her life. Her comment was, "My son would never speak to me that way!" Departing in less than a friendly manner, she probably went off to find a more accommodating psychic/medium.
Another area that seems to have many misconceptions is the are of "predictions". It seems that so many are anxious to have their "future" predicted - to hear that someone or something is going to make it all well for them. The question I often hear is, "Tell me my future." Too many are so focused on the future that they forget the present - which is where we live. What we do in the present, the decisions we make, the actions we take, shape the future - but how many believe this? The danger of taking "predictions" as the gospel is that one may focus so much on it that they lose touch with the present. Yes, the intensity of the focus, which is like focusing this energy through a magnifying glass of anticipation, may well bring the prediction to pass BUT at a price that may b unpalatable. It may not even be the best that could have been had. We can change the future at any time by simply changing direction, by changing ourselves. I know - I’ve done it! The future is not fixed. When a prediction is made it is made according to the path one is on at the present. Now, since most people stay in the same rut, painful and unhappy as it may be because to change would be too bloody scary for most, predictions often then come true. However, should the person change or change direction, the prediction would not come true. I do not refer to "surface moves" which most do when they want to justify their avoidance of change, when I say "change" I refer to a change at the heart - and being - level. The fact is, WE determine our future. And all the obstacles we face, all the people and events we are experiencing, we have drawn subconsciously to ourselves for our testing and learning. If you do not like where you are, or what is happening to you, you can change it by changing direction. On the other hand, if you stay, then you are continuing to play the role of "victim", a helpless chip tossed on the waves of misfortune. Yes, change is not easy. The prospect of leaving a familiar path, as unrewarding, uncomfortable, painful as it may be, is so frightening that one tends to stay where one is rather than risk the "unknown". We have so little trust in ourselves, so little faith in our ability to sustain the change that we prefer to suffer with the known rather than chance the unknown. So you can see how easy it is for the psychic to make valid predictions because while a person may make the "right" surface moves, he rarely changes direction at the "being" level where it counts.
This preoccupation with predictions was quite apparent during the radio and TV shows I have done. Because I am a psychic and medium, the first question callers would ask is, "What is my future?" or "Tell me my future." What people seem to think is that a psychic is merely a "fortune teller" rather than a practitioner of one of the psychic sciences. Are we still in the Dark Ages? It is true that there are many so-called "psychic counselors" out there who are fortune tellers and Madam LaZongas (Pay me and I will take your curse off!") and like genre. As I said previously, if you are looking for someone to run your life and tell you what you want to hear, there are plenty of charlatans willing to take as much money as they can scare out of you - and you deserve what you get.
Predictions may come as part of a reading. If there is a reason for the sitter to know what is ahead, then it will come out in the reading. Even so, whether the prediction comes true or not depends on what decisions the sitter makes and what action (s) he takes. If you want to know the future, the most accurate and most qualified person to ask is yourself!
This Earth we live on is a school, a very important school in the Universe. During class (a lifetime) we are presented with many lessons to learn through the challenges we meet along the way, as per the curriculum we chose before coming to this school. Therefore, it is our responsibility to work through these challenges ourselves; it is avoidance of this responsibility when we try to get someone else to do it for us (like the Nerd down the hall who does, for a price, one’s homework, papers, etc.) How can we possibly learn anything if we have someone do our homework for us. Life is a continuous series of tests and surprise quizzes, some hard, some easier than others - either way, we need to pay attention and learn. While there is help available in learning to handle these challenges (some call them problems/disasters/tragedies/etc. - they are really challenges), clarifying internal conflicts, or identifying your weaknesses and strengths, guidance, it is still you who must make the final decision, take the appropriate action. That is your responsibility.
Choices confront all of us each day and our future depends on what we chose. Each choice has a consequence. "What is the right choice?", I hear you ask. There is no right or wrong choice. There is just choice. To be sure, there are unwise choices as well as wise choices. Yet each is as much a learning experience, and useful, as the other. How will you know, how will you understand if you have not experienced an unwise choice as well as a wise one. Now, not to make a choice, and there so many that avoid this like the plague, is still making the choice of avoidance which often has painful consequences. If we do not pay attention, we will get increasingly forceful reminders until it becomes so painful that we are willing to face the original challenge and work through it. This school, this stage as Shakespeare put it, is not easy. It is full of challenges, alarms and excursions (as Willie once wrote) but that’s the exciting part - it also offers tremendous learning opportunities and a chance to evolve spiritually. THERE IS NO LIMIT TO LEARNING! WOW!
SECONDLY: things one SHOULD expect from a Reader:
· The Sitter has a right to expect honesty. No psychic is up for a reading ALL the time, especially when doing a volume business. A psychic is not a production line and trying to be one sometimes results in serious health consequences. A friend of mine tried giving far too many readings because she felt these people "needed" her - and she almost paid for this with her life. For any psychic there are times when nothing comes. At that time the Reader should tell the Sitter so and cancel the session rather than fake it to fulfill expectations - or his pocket. Not to be honest is unfair to both.
· The Sitter has a right to expect that the information he receives is exactly as the Reader picks it up - without editing or alteration of any kind, or because of the Reader’s own belief system or judgment. The reading belongs to the Sitter, not the Reader.
· The Sitter has the right to tape the session, take notes, ask questions - and disagree, if he wishes. I recall the time I had my first reading and one of the things the Reader told me was that in nine months I would be wearing blue jeans. Now, one does not tell a three piece suit "establishment" executive he is going to be a hippie! No way in Hell! And I told him so. He smiled. Imagine my surprise when ten months later I replayed that tape and realized that I was, indeed, wearing blue jeans! No, I was not a hippie but I had completely changed direction, left the business world and embarked on a new fantastically rewarding adventure. I strongly urge all who come to me for a reading that they tape it for few can remember everything that is said. Another advantage of taping is that each time you play it, it seems that there is something new you learned. I found that to be so. Even a year or two later playing the tape made some things abundantly clear that were not clear before. It is a great help. I believe that we are given the information we need at the proper time thorough whatever type of communication method that is available. It is given at the time when we can not only handle it but also use it wisely.
In summation, the DO's and DON’Ts of getting a reading are:
1. Don’t go for a reading for fun and games, for kicks, or to "test" the psychic. That’s really wasting his time and yours. He is there to help IF you need help. He is not there to play games.
2. Do go if you really need help in sorting out what is happening, or want identification of problems you know are there but can’t quite put your finger on them. The key to a valid reading is NEED. A good energy "bridge" or connection is formed whenever there is a real need on the part of the Sitter, the there is a desire to help fill that need on the part of the Reader. However, the Sitter should know that there is a big difference between a want to know and a need to know. The need is the key, the want is not. What one thinks they need may not be what they need. The Sitter must be honest with himself first.
3. Don’t expect the Reader to solve all, or even part, of your problems, tell you what to do, or run your life. That’s not what he is there for. If you find one like that you may also have found another Jim Jones or Charles Manson, and you will deserve what you get.
4. Do expect that information you need, at that point in time, to help you identify and work through the challenges you are facing. However, remember that Readers are not omnipotent nor infallible (not even the Pope is that) and it is your responsibility, and yours alone, to verify the validity of the information you receive no matter what the "source" is claimed to be. You are the SOLE judge. Your "gut" feeling, if you will pay attention to it, will let you know if the information is valid or not. It is interesting to note that every person that ever came to me for a reading, already knew the answers, the information. They needed the confirmation and reinforcement the reading gave them. A common phrase has been, "I already knew, but I needed confirmation. Thank you so much!" Isn’t it amazing how little we trust ourselves, how little self-confidence we have?
5. Don’t go for a reading with preconceived notions of what the Reader is going to tell you, or what you want to hear. The opposite might happen. The Reader is supposed to tell it like it is - not like you wish it were. Keep an open mind and work with the Reader if you want to get the most out of it.
6. Do go for a reading if you need a healing to cope with inner pain and sorrow, a helping hand in dealing with inner/outer emotions/conflicts.
7. Don’t choose a Reader because he is "famous" (yet is willing to give you a reading for only $20.00 - lot of those ones around according to multitude of mail "offers " I get), or that he maintains fancy offices (big overhead requires volume business), or has a wall full of "diplomas" or like, or bills himself as 100% accurate, superior, amazing - well, you know what I’m saying. The quality of a Reader is not what he says he is but what he is inside at the being level. Then, too, not every Reader, no matter how good or accurate he is, is right for everybody.
8. Do choose a Reader because you feel comfortable with him, because you feel trust at your gut level. You will know, and if that person is not right for you, do not feel badly about saying you are sorry but the energies are not right. If his ego is a bit bruised by this, remember that this is his problem, not yours. Your best method of finding the right Reader in the right communication mode, be it a psychic, astrologer, card reader, psychometrics, medium, tea leaf reader, is for you to relax and allow your intuition/gut feeling to take over and guide you.
One final point to remember. The Reader, of whatever discipline, only serves as an info line to your soul. If you get a wrong number, it may be that you mis-dialed. So be sure of your number before you call. Be sure you validate the information given you with your gut feeling/your gnosis. DON’T, whatever way you go, GET CAUGHT UP IN THE MECHANICS OF THE PROCESS! It does not matter by what means the information comes to you or who gives it. What does matter is the quality, validity and usefulness of the information given - as it pertains to YOU. The Reader is there to help you help yourself so your cooperation will greatly enhance your reading. Readers are like phones - they work best when properly used.
Copyright © 1995-2004 Donna Kent/Cosmic Calendar.